


And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again

by herebecauselarry



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Divorce, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, Jealousy, Letters, M/M, POV First Person, Past Relationship(s), Steve Rogers Feels, Steve is an Asshole, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Why Did I Write This?, alternative universe, based on my last relationship, but he tries not to be, fall out of love, implied - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22767613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herebecauselarry/pseuds/herebecauselarry
Summary: I got the paper Monday morning, I haven't gotten around to sign them because every time I sit down to do it my eyes fill with tears and our memories together fill my mind.Is now Friday.*Title is from Falling by Harry Styles
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark - Past Relationship
Kudos: 19





	And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on my past relationship, so there is some truth in certain elements here.  
> So sorry for any mistakes!

I have been sitting down for an hour, just staring at the papers in front of and waiting for them to disappear.

The clock ticks away another minute and I get up from the desk, walk to the kitchen and grab a glass, filling it with water. Before bringing the glass to my lips a thought crosses my mind and makes me stagger.

_“I want a drink.”_

Grabbing the edge of the counter I let my head fall. The thought of wanting a drink is now a recurring thought. This is the 50th time it has crossed my mind today. The 50th time I have thought about how easy it would be to simply walk to my cabinet and get a bottle, not even bothering with a glass, anything to satiate the thirst building inside of me.

I return to the desk and sit down, the clock ticks again and I wish the glass in my hand was filled with liquor instead of water.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Everything is quiet for a minute. The clock ticks again and I squeeze my eyes wondering the damage I would make if I were to throw the glass against the wall.

Sighing I open my eyes and my sight falls to the papers in front of me. They laugh when I grab my pen.

My signature.

That is the thing they are laughing about. I just need to sign them, and they will disappear, but I cannot muster the courage to do it. I set my pen down.

My eyes wander across my desk, looking for something, anything to distract me from the papers laughing and insulting me from the corner of my eyes. My gaze falls upon a picture frame and the laughing faces in it.

I grab it before really thinking about it and bring it close to me. I run my fingers along the engraved frame. Memories fill my mind and I put the picture down, not wanting it to end up like the one in the living room. Or the one in the bedroom. Or in the office.

My eyes return to the papers, they have quieted down. I stretch my arm across the desk and grab a clean sheet of paper. I lift my pen and begin writing.

_~~Dearly beloved~~ _

Right.

~~_Dearest Steve_ ~~

No.

~~_Deares-_ ~~

~~_Dear Steven_ ~~

Steve,

~~_I love-_ ~~

~~_I don’t think I know how to-_ ~~

~~_I feel like my life has been meaningless since-_ ~~

~~_I will never stop lov-_ ~~

I crumble the paper in my hand and start again.

_Steve,_

_I have received the papers you sent; I’ll send them back as soon as possible. I hope you read this first and that it finds you well._

_I have been thinking about us, about how everything went down, and I think everything started going south around two years ago. Do you remember the last time we traveled to the beach? When I picked you up from work and drove us to the beach for a surprise picnic I had prepared? It was after the first talk we had when we thought, or at least I did, that we could salvage everything. The drive to the beach was one of the best memories I have of us spending time together, we laughed, we sang, we fooled around, everything was perfect. When we arrived at the beach, I made you cover your eyes, didn’t want you to see the surprise before time. The sun was setting when I uncovered your eyes, and your sight fell to the picnic I had people helped me prepare before time, everything was perfect; you threw your head back and laughed out loud, you took me by the waist and hugged me, said I was full of surprises. We were happy. When you let me go, I looked into your eyes and said that I was happy to be with you, that I loved you; as soon as those words escaped my lips your eyes dimmed and you seemed lost for a moment, staring at something above my head, as I started to get concerned you said it back._

_Our last week together was so bad, I remember crying every day wishing you had the courage to talk to me. You kept me out, that whole week. I don’t know what went on inside your mind, or how you reached the point that you did, but you were hurting me, and all of “our” friends expected me to know why you suddenly were so mean towards them._

_When I finally got you to sit down and talk you left me speechless. Jealousy. That was the problem. You were jealous, but you refused to tell me of who. You swore up and down that it was a personal problem, and that you were going to try to get better, that we should just act like that horrible week didn’t exist and continue as if nothing had happened. I accepted._

_After that talk everything seemed to get better. It was the week of the picnic, we were happy. But that happiness didn’t last long, right?_

_You started to act all weird again, this time even more distant than before. Ignoring me, insulting and dismissing me in front of our “friends” when I asked what was wrong. I was reaching my breaking point._

_I sat you down, again. I made you talk, again. You repeated the same thing, you were jealous, but this time you did give a name. Bucky. You started going off about how I spent a lot of time with Bucky, how I never included you, about how I was cheating on you. I couldn’t believe it. After you said that anything that I said fell into closed ears. I exploded. I said things to hurt you, I was harsh, I wanted you to feel like I had been feeling. You simply sat down and took it, even seemed pleased at the fact that I was so angry._

_Two years later, I wonder who you were jealous of._

_My life was surrounded by your presence, even before dating. Every person that knew us though that we were childhood friends by how well we complemented each other. Living in our own little world. When we started dating nobody batted an eye, and my thoughts became infested with you, your laugh, your voice, your touches. You were my first and last thought of the day, my dreams were filled with expectations for our future. I didn’t, and still don’t, know how to live without you in my life._

_When you started putting up a wall between us, I became lost. You were my because and you had stopped answering my questions. The hatred that you were suddenly holding against me made me hate myself. I tried talking to you and you dismissed me. I hope you never do to Bucky what you did to me. Nobody deserves to be belittled by the person they love. Everything I felt for you went into the back of my mind, and a veil lifted from my eyes. I saw the person you had become, and I hated you._

_During those first months, there was nothing for you but hate. Anything related to you I burned, and I was happy, glad to be out of that relationship. Until I started missing you, your laugh, your voice, your 3 am conversations, and everything I had pushed back came barreling down to the front of my mind._

_I hope your life with Bucky is good. That you’re happy and feel loved, that nothing makes you feel like I once felt. I will continue to look for something to numb the pain._

_I will always love you and hold you dear to my heart, I don’t know how to stop doing it, but I take comfort in knowing that I will hate you for the rest of my days. Those two feeling walk hand in hand when it comes to you now._

_Attached is the only remaining photo of the two of us, as well as my ring. You can do with them as you please._

_With all my hate and love,_   
_Tony Stark._

I fold the letter and grab the photo; I take it out of the frame and put both in an envelope. I write his new address.

Feeling courageous, I grab the papers and sign them before thinking more about it, let my lawyers figure out who gets what, I don’t care.

I stand up from the desk and grab everything on my way out, I turn off the lights and take a big breath as I close for the last time the door that once directed me to our house, no point in having an empty place in a city I never plan to visit again.

Next month, Steve will be getting married and I will be drowning my misery on the other side of the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it!   
> Leave kudos and comment if you want, I'll try to answer to everyone!


End file.
